


If you could see me now

by redafet



Series: Prideshipping Playlist [4]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Ancient Egypt, Based on a The Script Song, Hope, Hurt, M/M, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8524642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redafet/pseuds/redafet
Summary: Let me take you to the icy cold warmth of pain and regret of Priest Seth.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one is inspired by the scripts' If you could see me now, I omitted some of the lyrics though, those inclined with the dad and mom...
> 
> I suggest to listen to it first if you are not familiar with the song ^^
> 
> I do not own Yu-gi-oh! and the song.

_"If You Could See Me Now"_  


_(Oh if you could see me now)  
_ Hearing all the praises, and seeing the happy faces of the crowd, and the chorus Songs of delight that is so loud.

  
_(Oh if you could see me now)_  
“All hail the Pharaoh!”

Loud cheers,

To everyone it’s a festivity for a new year,

But for me it’s a celebration of silent agony and sheer melancholy.

 _  
It was_ the day where I became the Pharaoh, just a week after Atem beat Zork,

_The roses came but they took you away,_

_  
_ Just a week after he sacrificed himself and seal his soul to save this mortal world. How gallant of him, saving this people who only took a week for mourning our late King, he knew he cannot blame them for the sacrifice they do not know, but he cannot stop feeling the pang of anger on how easily this people moved on from their life, while he still remember the look on his Pharaoh’s face as the life giving spark died in his crimson eyes, the precious blood oozing from his smiling lips, how dare he smile? When he knew the fate he’s sealing himself with? It angers him, oh Atem, he can always smile on the weakest time. He then looked around blankly staring to his court, his new priest standing alongside him, beyond the festivities and smiles, he did not miss the pain in their eyes, of course they’re grieving, they also lost a dear friend probably a family, and their King their comrade, they were supposed to serve and protect the Pharaoh, to _protect_ him, but they failed.

 _Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone_  
_And I'll never get to show you these songs_  


“Pharaoh” icy blue eyes turned to the owner of the voice, it was Isis, her smile, was both comforting and miserable; he don’t need to see both.

 _“_ you should at least try to eat something, try to- enjoy the festivity, somehow“ her voice broke on her last word, I snorted.

“Enjoy the festivity?” I can’t help but release a mocking laugh, “yeah yeah I’ll enjoy the celebration of the death of my cousin.”

Isis turned her head, brushing the back of her hand to wipe a tear away, Atem was loved, that I could not deny, he was strict and has all the needed authority and grace for a Pharaoh and a ruler, but he was never cruel, and for that they respect and adore him, for that I adore and love him.

“I know this is hard especially for you, but at least try, not for the people of Egypt” she looked at me like my mother when she was trying to comfort me when I became silent whenever I’m in pain, somehow it soothes me, with a tap on my shoulder she continued, “please try for yourself” and he hugged me for a second and whispered in my ear,

“and for him”

  
_Now there are days when I'm losing my faith_  
_Because the man wasn't good he was great_  


It’s been a year, since I’ve  been a Pharaoh, I did my best to build Egypt to the grandeur it was before, I made sure that everyone is satisfied, happy and peaceful, even though I knew that I have all the help that I need, I want to personally look on matters. For the people’s eyes it was passion and duty, but to me this is to fulfil my promise, an oath to protect the realm he died saving, and for that I don’t want to disappoint him.

   
_Take that rage, put it on a page_  
_Take the page to the stage_  
_Blow the roof off the place_

I am sure that Atem will not see how I am managing the Kingdom he ruled, in some part I am glad, for he won’t be able to see me weak, crying like a child over him, he’ll hate me for that.

I’ve never confessed, an unspoken love for this feeling is blasphemous, and I know that I will never have a chance, if he was alive he has to find a wife to bear a child as a successor, and I don’t know how I will feel training that prince, how to look at his supposed wife without jealousy, but that was before, I’d rather see him with a family, laughing with a child in his arms, than visit his nameless tomb, than live a life where everyone will forget his name but me, I prayed for the Gods to give me another life another chance where I can finally be with him, I’ve never beg for anything, but that chance, to live in another life time with him.

  
_I still look for your face in the crowd_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
  
_(Oh if you could see me now)_  
  
_If you could see me now would you recognize me?_  
_Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me?_  
_Would you follow every line on my tear-stained face_  
_Put your hand on a heart that was cold_  
_As the day you were taken away?_  


3 years and everything went well, everything are according to my desires, the hours and days of works helped me forget that fateful day, my wife and child gave me a reason to live, but on the times that I am alone, when my family is asleep and I don’t have work to let my mind drift away, I remember him, i don’t know if that is the curse that I am going to live with my whole life, or it was just me who never wanted to forget, it could be both,

_I know it's been a while but I can see you clear as day_  
_Right now, I wish I could hear you say_  
_I drink too much, and I smoke too much dutch_  
_But if you can't see me now that shit's a must_

_“_ Set” that voice full of sadness and content, it was the calmest tone I heard from him, he was- he was ready.

“My King” I cleared my throat when my voice faltered with choked emotions, I cannot look at him so I keep standing on the balcony facing the garden, the waters at the manmade river and fountain glowed in silver light it seems like a pool of tears, the tears that will flow in our eyes as the sun rises, where everything will be at peace, the icy breeze seems an apparition of the cold body that I volunteered to carry to his tomb, I will not let anyone hold him, I should carry him the way he will carry us, with dignity.

  
_You used to say I won't know a win till it cost me_  
_Like I won't know real love till I've loved and I've lost it_  
_So if you get a second to look down on me now_  
_I'm just missing you now_  


A tear fell down my cheeks as I remember his last night as clear as the time it happened.

“I know I’ve already told you this but-“he paused and I watched him inhale a big amount of air, his tanned cheeks flushed in slight pink, his small figure looked divine under the moon light, his eyes slowly opened and those crimson orbs glittered in unshed tears, tears he refused to fall for he know that this is not the right time to show weakness, and he turned his face to me, there unexplained emotions washed his face, and I realized, no matter the stature and his duties he was still a teen, a young adult that will soon be deprived of his rights to grow and live his life, he-- he looked so fragile.

“please take care of this Kingdom, this people.” And his gaze went far, to the war that destroying the city, he watched as fires illuminated the town, screams of scared people can be heard, fortunately our armed forces can hold Bakura and Zork and they must do so until we finish the preparations.

“they don’t deserve to suffer like this.” He continued his gaze still on the battle.

 _“_ and you deserve to be sealed in the darkness?” I asked with clear mockery, I expected him to make a nasty remark like he usually do when I insult him, yet he smiled again.

“It must be done, Set” he answered, now I’m the one who is speechless, I am tempted to grab and just hug him, I know that he needed that, but damn my pride.

“You will be a good Pharaoh, I know it” and he left. Just when I’m sure that I am alone I let go of all the hurt that I’ve arrogantly hide.

   
_I still look for your face in the crowd_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  


I should have told him how I feel, I should have held him in my arms that night, when he is still warm and smiling, I should have punched him when he told me that he will seal his soul and his life to save the world, I should have told him how stupid he is for his decision.

 _Oh, oh_  
_Would you call me a saint or a sinner?_  
_Would you love me a loser or winner?_  


I should have done all of that when he can shout at me and hit me back and gave a full blown speech on how selfish I could be, when he can scream and shout and cry and I will embrace him tightly and let him sob in my arms till he calmed down. I should have told him that I loved him, I’ll reassure him that I’ll find him in the afterlife, and if that is not possible I will find him when we will be reincarnated and then I will not let him go again, I will not stop looking for him on different lifetimes if that is what it will take for our roads to cross again.

 _Oh, oh_  
_When I see my face in the mirror_  
_We look so alike that it makes me shiver_  


It might really be selfish to say that whenever I dreamt of you, I hoped to not awake, so that we will be together forever; I always told you that whenever I visit you right? But I always see you scowling at me irritated, you never say a word but what you wanted to say was clear as the day. You want me to be alive, and I tried, I tried Atem, for you I lived to the closest meaning of living that I know, I hope you will be satisfied, and you will be proud of me.

  
_I still look for your face in the crowd_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
_Yeah I'm just missing you now_  


Is it a false hope to think that if I leave this mortal body I will be able to see you waiting for me? To hope that I’ll see your smile your eyes glowing with mirth, to hope that when I tell you the way I lived this life you will tell me how stupid I am to waste it mourning for you, because I know that even if I never told you, you’ll know, you can always read me like a silly open book, and after your impeccable rant, you’ll compliment me for the things I achieved for Egypt.

  
_I still look for your face in the crowd_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  
_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_  
_Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)_  


And now in my last hour, on this deathbed, is it too late for me to still hope that I’ll see you after I close my eyes? Is it okay to expect that you’ll hold my soul hand and guide me to where we can rest and live a life for eternity? Is it right to wish that in this death we will be alive?

And if that hope fails, Atem, I’ll find you in all lifetime; I’ll never stop till I see you.

_  
You could see, you could see me now_


End file.
